‘Is this normal?’ A sex educator tests AI’s ability to answer our most intimate questions

Sunday, 29 March 2026

Emma Hewitt-Johnson details where AI falls short.

I spend my days answering people’s questions about sex.

Some are practical, some are awkward and some are juicy. Many start with the same quiet fear: “Is this normal?”

Lately though, more of these questions are going somewhere else first. People aren’t just asking educators, friends or Google – they’re asking AI.

Questions like: “How do I put on a condom? What does consent actually mean? My partner wants more sex than I do, is something wrong with me?”

And honestly? I get it. AI doesn’t judge. It doesn’t put you in a vulnerable situation where you’re opening up to another person, or make you feel silly for asking questions.

In fact, Samsung New Zealand recently found that 35% of us would turn to an AI tool for life advice over talking to a professional therapist. Nearly half of Kiwis admitted they’ve already sought answers they’d normally save for friends, family or a professional – with one-third relating to relationships.

As a sex educator, I was curious. How does an AI chatbot compare? So I took the questions above, and I tested what ChatGPT could do.

Emma Hewitt-Johnson is Adulttoymegastore’s certified holistic sex educator.

The reality is, at first glance, the answers felt OK. Technically correct, clearly explained, reassuring.

AI can outline the mechanics of putting on a condom, define consent and remind people that bodies and experiences vary – that matters. For someone feeling anxious or embarrassed, the biggest obstacle to sexual health can be fear, and that first layer of information from AI lowers a huge barrier.

It’s no secret that in New Zealand, our sex education is patchy at best. In fact, the sex education we receive is bound up in political bias, and is only continuing to get more conservative and less inclusive.

Too often, sex and relationship education still centres around biology and risk. Anatomy, puberty, a quick mention of pregnancy prevention – then we send young people into adulthood to figure out the rest.

What gets far less attention are the messy grey areas where most of our real-life human experiences live: pleasure, communication, boundaries, sexuality, libido and uncertainty.

That’s what makes accessibility so powerful. However, as we’ve seen with Elon Musk’s Grok, tech companies and their products are not neutral, and AI is not immune to human biases either, which is especially important when it comes to sexual and reproductive health.

Tech companies have shown us their biases, from flagging reproductive health content as offensive to outright banning content that discusses sex and sexuality. Therefore, it’s safe to assume political influence will shape the information we receive from AI too, with these biases creating information gaps.

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However, when outdated or incorrect advice fills those information gaps, it can lead to real-world, damaging consequences for your health or relationships – and that is a problem.

So when people turn to AI for sex advice, that isn’t the crisis. It’s a signal.

People aren’t asking chatbots because they trust technology more than humans. They’re asking because they haven’t experienced spaces or people to ask questions safely, and without taboo.

And unsurprisingly, where AI falls short is the human stuff. Stuff we learn through relationships, not search bars.

Most of the questions people ask me aren’t really about mechanics, they’re about feelings. This is where emotional literacy is key; recognising your boundaries, communicating discomfort, navigating differences and sitting with awkwardness.

A chatbot is not a certified professional with lived human experiences, and its ability to provide real-time, personalised answers doesn’t make it one either. There are things AI simply can’t hold: personal history, power dynamics, cultural context, safety risks or the small details that make a situation feel complicated rather than clear-cut.

That nuance is everything.

There’s also a subtler risk. AI is designed to be helpful and reassuring. It meets you where you are, validates your concern and offers neat next steps. That feels supportive, but it can encourage outsourcing.

Instead of having a difficult conversation with a partner, you ask AI what to say. Instead of reflecting on your boundaries, you ask if your feelings are normal. And rather than noticing patterns over time, you get a one-off answer that resets the moment you close the tab.

Over time, that can keep people stuck in their heads rather than developing real-world skills.

So, where does AI fit in sex and relationship advice? I don’t think the answer is telling people not to use it – that ship has sailed.

But, while it might be an OK starting point, it shouldn’t be the finish line.

Knowing the facts is one thing. Learning how to apply them in real life is another. AI can give you the first, but the second part will always be human.

Emma Hewitt-Johnson is Adulttoymegastore’s certified holistic sex educator, writer, podcaster, host and sex toy expert.