Abuse in Care: Survivor became a 'chemical blob' after excessive medication
Friday, 15 July 2022
People with disabilities experience higher rates of violence than nondisabled people. Disabled people, their whānau and advocates are sharing stories of historical abuse at the Abuse in Care – Royal Commission of Inquiry Disability, Deaf and Mental Health institutional care. The hearing runs from July 11 to July 20.
Content warning: This story contains accounts of abuse which some readers may find distressing.
An abuse survivor has described becoming a “chemical blob” after excessive medication during her time in the mental health system.
Sunny Webster was first sexually abused at 8 years old and then many times throughout her childhood and teenage years, she told the Abuse in Care Royal Commission of Inquiry – Disability, Deaf and Mental Health institutional care hearing.
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She first started on heavy medication at 16 years old when she went to Manawaroa psychiatric hospital in Palmerston North.
After Manawaroa, she was transferred to Lake Alice where she was diagnosed with reactive depression and hysterical character disorder.
While in hospitals and psychiatric institutions, she said she was never asked why she was distressed – it was blamed on bad behaviour – and medical staff sought to cure her with medication.
Professionals never made the connection that her mental distress was caused by being sexually abused as a child.
Webster also spent some time at Ward 10 at Auckland Hospital where she remembers being told by staff to pull her pants down to get an injection, in front of a group of patients.
She was told the injection would be a lot more painful in her arm, but she was so embarrassed and refused. They injected her arm and she went into convulsions.
While in psychiatric care, there was a culture of fear, but it wasn’t necessary, she said. “If you were looked after properly, you wouldn’t be afraid of them.”
At the hearing, she also described having an exorcism performed on her by an Anglican priest while she was living in Hamilton.
They thought she was possessed by the devil. When she asked them to stop, she was told to: “Pray harder, that’s the devil talking.”
She said that experience led to a further decline in her mental health, and shortly after she moved to Tokanui Psychiatric Hospital.
While at Tokanui she experienced sexual abuse by staff and a patient. She became pregnant after one of the incidents, and had an abortion. She said the multiple rapes she endured were not reported. Sexual abuse was “a normal part of life” at Tokanui,” she said.
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Despite all her time on heavy medication, Webster’s way out of institutional care was with another drug – marijuana.
Webster was able to get her hands on and smoke marijuana, knowing she would have to leave Tokanui if she was caught with it because they had a no drugs policy. She exaggerated how much it affected her, and was kicked out.
Webster didn’t get proper counselling until she left institutional care, and said if she had got it when she was 16, she “wouldn’t have to endure all those years of hell”.
She now lives with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to her experiences in psychiatric institutions.
Chemical smells, enclosed spaces, keys in locks and anything to do with authority can trigger her PTSD, leading Webster into a “ditsy” state.
She said there needs to be more trust built between the mental health system and those they should be caring for.
“Society and officials wonder why there's so many people in the public who are anti-society and anti-system, but it's because they made us hate them for treating us like s… for all of those years,” Webster said.
“They have refused to take responsibility and have given us no help in overcoming the trauma of those experiences.”
Another survivor who has been in the mental health system for over 30 years says the system exploits people at their most vulnerable.
Donna Phillips shared her experiences of sexual abuse, violation of privacy and neglect at various hospitals.
Phillips’ first exposure to mental health treatment was when she was 11 years old after her father had a mental breakdown and he was admitted to Carrington Hospital.
“It turned my world upside down,” Phillips said.
Before going to Carrington, she remembers her father singing in the kitchen and whistling while doing the dishes. But he became a different person after his time at Carrington.
When her father returned home six months later, “something had emptied out of him … it was all this happiness”, she said.
After her father died, her own depression began. Despite wanting to get help, she didn’t feel confident approaching the mental health system based on what happened to her father.
“I just felt like there was nowhere really to turn, and I felt quite traumatised. I knew I needed help, but I didn't quite accept that the mental health treatment was going to help me.”
During her experience in psych wards, sometimes the only social contact she had with someone was when they gave her medication.
She got “horrendous nightmares” from taking medication. When she told nurses about it, they weren’t understanding and was told the medication would make her well.
She also described being sexually assaulted by another resident at a mental health unit. When she told a nurse she expected some protection measures to be taken, but nothing happened.
She was left locked in with the perpetrator for two weeks in the secure unit. She lost a lot of trust with the staff after that, and still has claustrophobia because of that incident now.
She described the lack of privacy while having a shower. In hindsight, she realises that it might have been because she wanted a razor to shave her legs, but there was no communication as to why she was being watched by staff. “It felt so uncomfortable … it felt like an ambush,” she said.
Phillips said there are many issues with the state of the mental health system, including a “crisis of equality” between patients and psychiatry staff and the use of medication.
She said relying on medication for someone’s recovery creates a chemical dependency.
“We can’t continue as it is without inflicting more damage,” she said.
The hearing continues.
Where to get help
1737, Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor.
Mental Health Foundation 09 623 4812, click here to access its free resource and information service.
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If it is an emergency, click here to find the number for your local crisis assessment team.
In a life-threatening situation, call 111.