Aotearoa in 20: Breaking down barriers as a single mum
Wednesday, 2 September 2020
It’s been a long road, but Aucklander Rachel Pattemore, 36, has finally found a career she feels like she can make a difference in. She shares her journey into education with reporter Georgia Forrester for Stuff’s ‘Aotearoa in 20’ series.
When I was younger, I remember being told that I’d make a great teacher. I laughed at that. As a kid, I hated school. When I left, I swore black and blue that I wouldn’t go back.
Now, roughly two decades later, I’m back in the classroom. I’m studying teaching full-time and working 25 hours a week as a teacher aide. I’m also a single mum of three, so it’s a bit to juggle. But it’s worth it. I’ve never been so excited about my future.
I guess my upbringing was pretty different to most people’s. I was born in Auckland, but my parents were missionaries so I spent a lot of my childhood in Thailand and Malaysia. We moved back to New Zealand when I was 11 and I went to school here. I hated every minute of it.
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After school, I worked in all sorts of little jobs. One was designing and engraving badges and signs. I worked in retail, and also at an early childhood centre. I got married really young, at just 19, and I had my first child just a few weeks before turning 22. And then I stayed home for 10 whole years, which is just ridiculous looking back.
The early years were hard. I had my fair few struggles with parenting and my own mental health. I know my mental health is something I’m going to be working on throughout my life, and that’s OK. Although there have been some dark patches in my life, there’s also been a lot of colour and brightness too.
My friends would probably describe me as a loud, bubbly, passionate person. I’m very sarcastic, but I’m also driven and I really care about people. After I had my third child, I started working as a childbirth doula and I absolutely loved it. If I won Lotto tomorrow and had all the money in the world, I would just do that. It was very hard, but rewarding work. When my husband and I separated, it became hard for me to be on call for people going into labour, and it ended up just not being feasible.
So then, I was back job hunting. With my brightly-coloured hair, tattoos and piercings, I struggled to get a job at a supermarket or café. But funnily enough, a school opened its doors. When I started working as a teacher aide, I had planned on it being a temporary thing. I never expected to fall completely and utterly in love with it. The school I walked into was different from the one I left when I was a kid. As an adult, I got an insight into these new education models where the children were at the centre of everything. The philosophy was about lifting these kids up, and to me, it was just the most powerful thing. I was hooked. Next thing you know, I’m enrolled and on my way to becoming a teacher.
Working, studying and raising three children has certainly had its challenges. The financial challenge especially is still an everyday battle. I’m lucky I have a really supportive ex-husband who’s a great father to our kids. But right from day one after we separated, it’s been such a struggle. Anxiety over the financial stuff is what keeps me awake at night.
When I first started studying, I tried to get help from Work and Income. It felt like I was doing the right thing; I was doing my best to study towards a career where I’d contribute more to society. But every step of the way was a battle. I remember sitting in a WINZ office in tears, begging for someone to help me. Looking around that office, I was aware of just how lucky I was to have all the privileges that I did. And I remember thinking, ‘if I can be made to feel like this, how is the next person after me going to be treated?’. It’s a humiliating and devaluing experience. How is this a society that encourages people to get ahead, and has welfare as a principle? I wasn’t asking for money for a sports car. I simply needed to pay the bills and get a student loan.
There’s also supposedly help out there for us, but when you call the different systems, you end up coming across people who just don’t care. They do not care, they will not give you an extra inch and you have to beg. For me, that was really hard. Sometimes, I just don’t know how people are supposed to survive.
A couple of years later, I’m close to finishing my teaching degree. I am really proud of what I’ve done and how far I’ve come. I’ve had a lot of support from people, but also, I’ve had to do a lot myself too. So yeah, I do feel a sense of pride. I think I’ve survived.
I’m really excited about my future in teaching. I think I’ve finally found something I actually believe I am good at, and that I can make a difference in. I have a huge heart for the kids who are disenchanted and feel disenfranchised and isolated, because I was one of those kids once.
When it comes to my own three kids, they are my greatest joy. Being on the spectrum, they’ve each had their own challenges within the education system and they’ve handled it amazingly. They’re so intelligent. They’ve put up with so much and been so strong in the face of adversity. They’re the absolute best.
These are weird times we’re living in. We’ve been in level 3 lockdown again in Auckland because of Covid-19, and there is a sense of uncertainty. Sometimes, it feels like I’m treading water. But the most important thing in my life is that my children are confident in who they are. In a world that has so much going on right now, I know that everything’s OK, because my kids are OK. That’s all that really matters.
As told to Georgia Forrester for ‘Aotearoa in 20’, a Stuff project.