Muriwai drowning orphans still 'struggling everyday' after losing parents a year ago
Tuesday, 16 July 2019
The youngest of nine Burmese children, orphaned when their parents drowned at a West Auckland beach, still wakes up most nights calling out for his mum a year on.
Mu Thu Pa Ukay and her husband Kay Dah Ukay fell into the water while fishing from rocks at Muriwai Beach on July 16, 2018.
Lifeguards rushed to the scene but despite desperate rescue attempts, they were too late. The pair drowned trying to save each other.
Po, who was only 7 years old when it happened, doesn't know how to process his parents' death.
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* Woman used fishing rod in desperate attempt to save husband before both drowned
* Nine siblings orphaned after parents drown at Muriwai Beach**
As the baby of the family, he used to sleep in his mum and dad's bed. He sat on mum's knee at the dinner table because there weren't enough chairs at their family home in Henderson.
The Christmas after their death was particularly hard. Po's one wish was for someone to 'ring heaven and tell mummy and daddy to come home'.
The family of 11 migrated to New Zealand in 2008 after escaping civil unrest in Myanmar.
For about a decade, the Ukays enjoyed a relatively normal family life in West Auckland. The kids attended Waitakere College and their parents took English lessons. They all enjoyed bike rides, picnics and fishing trips together.
'It's still very very raw,' said Trish Maxwell, a friend close of the family.
'It's a struggle for all of them, everyday, in their own ways.'
Maxwell and her husband Warwick Maxwell have taken the family under their wing - Trish works with one of the oldest daughters. She became especially close with the family when they needed documentation signed as she is a Justice of the Peace.
With grandchildren of their own Maxwell and her husband became affectionately named Narnie and Papa by the kids. They helped organise an unveiling of the Ukay parents' headstone at Waikumete Cemetery, in Glen Eden, on Saturday.
During the service, tears flowed down the youngest daughter's face when making a speech in her parents' memory.
'My name is Tha Dah Paw', she started, 'we came to New Zealand 11 years ago when I was three.'
She broke down and stepped away, unable to continue. Her older brother stepped in and read aloud her script.
He read: 'One year now without my parents. It has been a hard time.
'Sometimes we watch the video of mum and dad when they were alive … I miss them but I know they will always be close and always forever be in my heart.
'My mother raised me. My father gave me strength. But they both taught me to never give up and follow my dreams. I will do the best I can to make my parents proud of me while they are looking down from heaven.'
He thanked those who attended for their ongoing support.
Since their parents' drowning, one of the oldest daughters, Dah Htoo, 27, has become family caregiver and main breadwinner.
She works 12-hour shifts at a Tegel chicken factory, three nights a week, to help support the family. She has also recently become the legal guardian of her brothers and sisters, ensuring the family could stay together.
She said it was hard being mum and dad to all her siblings.
'If there is a God why did he have to take both of them - why couldn't he leave just one?' she asked Maxwell one day.
After her parents' death, Dah Htoo, flew back to her home town of Myaing Gyi Ngu in Karen State, south Myanmar, to participate in the Burmese death custom of travelling to different towns and villages with her parents' death notice, participating in prayer.
The Maxwells looked after the younger family while she was away.
Maxwell said one of the youngest boys, Jay, was so affected by their death he was going to need 'quite intensive counselling'.
'He's closed down and all he wants to do is play video games, because he doesn't want to listen to anybody and doesn't want to have talk about his feelings,' she said.
As for Tha Dah Paw, 14, Maxwell said: 'She's a girl missing her mum.'
'For Christmas we got her activity stuff and she learned to sew … she kept saying 'I wish mummy was here to teach me how to thread the needle' and when I offered, she said 'no I have to teach myself now, I have no mummy or dad.'
Maxwell said the other boys kept very much to themselves, adding 'they are very withdrawn'.
'They don't know how to cope. They're [from] another country and don't have any family here. It's a massive struggle'.
She said a ray of light came when the family received a generous donations from a couple of Auckland-based families.
The younger members of the family have used the money to enroll in swimming lessons, even though most of them are terrified of the water.
'When you've got massive tragedy you've got to fill it with little positives,' Maxwell said.
When they're confident in the water, the Muriwai Surf Lifesaving Club has offered them places in their junior training programmes, free of charge.
Vice President Mark Goodhew was at the beach on the day of the drownings, coordinating the emergency response.
'At Muriwai we are very challenged, we have a huge population visiting the beach every day throughout the year but no active lifeguards at the beach between Easter weekend and Labour weekend.'
He said emergency response completely came down to where assets were at any particular time.
'The tragic thing is that life jackets could have saved both parents' lives. That's something that we as lifeguards struggle with every day. To lose somebody on your beach is devastating for the entire club and community.
'Our hearts still go out to them and at any time they are welcome at our club as part of our family.'