The five best/worst on-screen car salesmen

Sunday, 24 July 2016

The used-car salesman hardly has the best reputation as it is. But these five fictional examples don't help that in any way whatsoever.

CYRIL

Rudy's tasteful jacket tells you all you need to know.

'Well, actually, she's an ex-rental. A mate of mine thrashed the ring out of it for a bit then brought it in here to see if I could find some bunny to fit into it.' That's the response Cyril (John Clark) gives to to Alf (Temuera Morrison), when he asks about a white Ford Zephyr 6's ownership history in the Kiwi movie Never Say Die.

This already makes him the most honest car salesman of all time. But it's his closer that seals the deal: 'I reckon you'll get 5000 miles out of this before it craps out completely. It's gotta be worth four or five hundred in parts!'

National Lampoon's Ed: you want your old car back? I have crushing news.

RUDY

If Rudy Russo's technique of luring customers off the yard over the road by using a $10 bill on a fishing line wasn't cunning enough, his slick rapid-fire sales technique leaves the bewildered customer no room for objections and shows exactly why used cars salesmen are largely untrusted in decent society.

One of Jerry's problems is that he sells cars that don't exist.

Russo was played by Kurt Russell in the 1980 comedy Used Cars. Director Robert Zemeckis once described it as 'structured on a classic Frank Capra movie, except that everybody lies.' Pretty true to life, then.

Arthur Daley: a decent car and the world's your lobster.

When Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) goes to trade his Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser on a brand-new 'Antarctic blue Super Sports wagon with the CB and optional rally fun pack' in National Lampoon's Vacation, he is quickly railroaded into the spectacularly awful Wagon Queen Family Truckster by the smooth talking Ed, played by Eugene Levy.

Ed effortlessly overcomes Clark's objections about the Family Truckster not being the car he ordered with a masterful line: 'You think you hate it now - but wait 'til you drive it!'. Well, that and the fact that the Vista Cruiser had already been crushed.

JERRY

Jerry Lundegaard (William H Macy) from the 1996 film Fargo was terrible at selling cars. He was also terrible at fraud and even worse at kidnapping. After trying to defraud a finance company by taking out loans on cars that weren't even on the yard, Jerry arranged for some thugs to kidnap his wife so his rich, unpleasant father-in- law would pay the ransom.

It all went terribly wrong, of course, and was unravelled by the fact that Jerry couldn't tell a convincing lie to save himself. Unusual for a car salesman.

ARTHUR

Lying was never a problem for Arthur Daley (George Cole) from the British TV series Minder. It was more telling the truth that he had a problem with. Always keen to have other (less than legal) earners on the side, Arthur rarely limited his skills to just selling cars, but when he did, the words that came out of his mouth were spectacular.

When an irate customer turned up at Arthur's yard demanding he do something about the grass growing out of a rusty patch of the body work, Arthur suggested trimming it with nail scissors. A fairly practical solution, really.