Five wonderfully pointless cars that we love
Monday, 25 November 2019
Some cars, like the original Hummer and BMW X6, are pointless in a hateful and almost atagonistic way. Others are delightfully pointless and we actually love them because of their totally blatant lack of a reason for even existing. Here are five like that.
Mercedes-AMG G 63
It probably isn't fair to single out the G 63 here, because it is actually the whole 'performance SUV' segment that is utterly pointless - I mean, if you want a performance vehicle, surely one that isn't massive, tall and heavy is a better bet?
But the G 63 takes all your silly criticisms about its spectacular lack of a point and turns them to a fine paste of outrage and environmental concerns beneath its ridiculously massive tyres as it accelerates violently towards a rose-tinted past where muscle cars are still relevant.
**READ MORE:
* Five utes that are really a Nissan Navara
* The five most expensive SUVs on sale in New Zealand
* Five of the most pointless cars ever made**
Brutally fast, blatantly aggressive and spectacularly pointless, the G 63 is still possibly the greatest car on the planet. Which it is, of course, helping to destroy.
Renault Avantime
The Renault Avantime was an MPV coupe. No, seriously, that's how Renault described it. And it was literally the only vehicle in that segment ever.
Oddly enough, no-one really saw the need for a coupe version of a vehicle designed for moving large amounts of people, much like no-one has ever lamented that there isn't such a thing as a 'sports bus' or a 'roadster van' (both of which would be utterly awesome, by the way).
But its sheer, blatant pointlessness makes it something to lust after now - Renault only made around 8,500 of them, which is only a surprise in the fact that there were actually THAT many people who wanted to buy one in the first place.
Mercedes-Benz R 63 AMG
Much in the same vein as the Avantime and the performance SUV, no-one ever really cried out for a 'Performance MPV', yet our wonderfully single-minded friends at AMG simply forged ahead and gave us one anyway.
The R-class is actually a vehicle that Mercedes has admitted was a mistake in the first place, but doubling down on that mistake and jamming a 375kW 6.2-litre V8 under its bonnet created something so wonderfully pointless that it simply can't be hated.
Although if you were the unfortunate family dog who had to sit in the back you probably would have hated it. And the driver.
Suzuki X-90
You may have noticed a theme developing here - way more power than is sensible or coupe versions of cars that have no business being coupes.
You probably also have surmised that the Suzuki X-90 is most certainly in the latter category, because it definitely wasn't over-powered. But then, it wasn't really a coupe either.
A feeble 71kW 1.3-litre engine was all that powered the awkward targa-roofed (yep, really) small SUV coupe-ish, notchback-y thing that was, by all criteria a bad car.
But like an ugly puppy, we can't help but love it. But then, we also love weird Japanese Kei cars, so that could just be us.
Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari
We're back in the 'more power than is really sensible' category here, with the brilliantly mental baby Abarth.
The sheer unbalanced genius of jamming WAY too much power into the adorably cute Fiat 500 is deep within Abarth's DNA, but the unhinged brilliance that led them to doing an even more powerful version of the standard 595 Esseesse - 132kW, which is more than three times the power of the entry Twin Air 500 - complete with Ferrari tweaks and an associated price tag was broken genius at its best.
It was actually tweaked by Ferrari engineers, but was largely bought by misguided middle-aged suburbanites who just wanted the most expensive cute little 500 they could buy. They almost certainly regretted that.