The perfect Halloween ride: a zombie-proof SUV
Thursday, 31 October 2019
It's that spookily commercial and terrifyingly American day of the year again - Halloween - where a centuries-old pagan celebration is squeezed for all the money and sugar we can get from it for a bit of scary fun.
So with that fun part in mind, we present you with the ultimate Halloween ride, created by UK car dealer JCT600 and listed for sale on their website.
The Zombia 3000 Survivor is the ultimate zombie-smashing SUV and is based on the new Land Rover Defender, because; why not?
JCT600's blog says that 'when we started thinking about the zombie-proof car of our dreams (or, more realistically, our nightmares), we couldn't help being inspired by the new Land Rover Defender'
**READ MORE:
* Five cars to survive the zombie apocalypse
* New Land Rover Defender revealed - and it's coming here
* Land Rover creates one-of-a-kind Defender**
'But whilst the Defender has been tested in some pretty extreme conditions, it's not been built to take on the endless swarms of the living dead that we might expect to encounter after an apocalyptic outbreak.
'We've re-imagined a familiar 4×4, but with some uncompromising modifications for maximum zombie-proofing…'
And so they have, from the fearsome-looking plough at the front - perfect, they say, for 'negotiating zombie crowds at speed' - to the bullet-proof windows shielded by reinforced metal bars, although the rear windows have been replaced with solar panels for back-up energy generation.
But it is all about the carnage, so the plough can be raised when necessary, depending on the terrain, or simply as JCT600 put it 'for more creative rampaging', while on the roof there are dual wide-angle flamethrowers, as well as a drone launcher.
Inside the car, the usual entertainment system has been replaced with a CB radio 'for communication with other survivors once the phone networks have gone down', which seems like a missed opportunity to us, because if the movie Zombieland proved anything it is that the zombie apocalypse is way more fun with Van Halen and Metallica blasting through the speakers…
Anyway, there's also a computer console complete with advanced GPS functionality and gene-sequencing software, 'for when the responsibility of finding a cure inevitably falls to someone as desperately unqualified as you.'
The rear of the Zombia 3000 also comes well equipped with handheld weapons and ammunition, along with a range of tools, medicine, water, food and fuel supplies.
'Whether you're picking off zombies, fending off rival gangs, or simply hunting for your next meal, there's a suitable cache of weapons for you to choose from, along with enough ammo to last you a little while,' says the company's blog.
Also listed features on the website are machine guns , 'killer' alloy wheels, adjustable suspension and Bounty paper towels, which would actually be indispensable after a hard day of zombie killing.
Listed on JCT300's website for just £666, the Zombia 3000 is remarkably good value, particularly as it is listed as only having had one survivor.
On the technical side, the Zombia 3000 is powered by a 'supernaturallycharged' 4,666cc V8 driving all four wheels through a six-speed transmission.
It has a surprisingly low kerb weight of just 1,666kg, so it should be fast enough, but all that rear ordinance takes a toll, as the Zombia 3000 only has seating for two, meaning it isn't a family-friendly survival SUV.
Let's face it though, it's unlikely all of your family will have survived the apocalypse anyway.
While the Zombia 3000 isn't actually read (sadly), the listing is (albeit with a disclaimer about the fictional status of the SUV) and is brilliantly peppered with sneaky references to classic zombie films. Hint: that paper towel thing is one of them…