Wonderfully, and gloriously pointless, the Mercedes AMG G 63 is a shining, bellowing beacon

Friday, 18 May 2018

The mighty G 63 is an absolute weapon on and off the road.

Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Megan Fox, Britney Spears, Sylvester Stallone, Kevin Hart, Bradley Cooper and rapper TI Harris are probably all simultaneously quite excited right now.

They are just a small selection of the A-list celebrities who own what has been the 'it' car of celebrities for decades, the Mercedes G-class. And now there's an all-new model for them to buy.

The magnificent and unapologetically square G-class SUV, formerly known as the G-wagen, has been built since 1979. But over the years it has broadened its appeal somewhat and now not only caters to government, military and commercial operators the world over that want a tough, unstoppable off-road vehicle, but also the more niche segment of people with lots of money who want an inappropriately powerful and illogically fast vehicle that is also shaped like a Soviet-era block of flats (see above).

The G 63 might be as big as a block of flats, but it handles better than one.

And it is largely thanks to that latter niche segment of people that we now have an all-new third-generation G-class. One that we recently headed off to France to drive in its two launch forms - the standard G 500 (that we aren't likely to see here) and the mighty AMG G 63 (which will hit NZ shores in the fourth quarter of this year).

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No more pretend luxury in a rugged interior, the new G 63 is a proper luxury car inside.

The $263,900 twin turbo V8-powered monster G 63 is the undoubted flagship of the G-class range and its significance is underlined in the new car by the fact that for the first time ever in a standard Mercedes production car, AMG has taken the lead in developing the suspension.

The interior has gone from blocky and basic with tacked on luxury in the old car to full-on opulence, with elements nicked from the S-class and E-class to produce a wonderfully high quality and remarkably comfortable cabin.

Three lockable differentials mean the G 63 can climb mountains. A twin-turbo V8 means it can do this at the top.

The G 63 is also extremely well equipped, as you would expect from a $260k vehicle (or house, for that matter) and comes with a vast array of driver assists, safety features, a thunderous audio system, lashings of leather and, of course, huge 21-inch alloy wheels.

While it may look rather similar on the outside, almost everything about the G 63 is brand new; in fact the only things carried over from the last G-class are the headlight washers, door handles, rear wheel cover, tow hook and the interior sun visors.

The G-class has grown in every single dimension and is now 110mm longer, 106mm wider and sits on a wheelbase that is 40mm longer.

Despite getting bigger and rounding off a few of the sharper edges, the G-class is still unmistakably recognisable. No concessions to silly things like aerodynamics have been made here (well, they have, but it is still about as aerodynamic as a brick).

But it is also brutally fast.

The G 63 is powered by the same 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8 that first appeared in the AMG GT coupe and has since spread through other AMG cars.

It produces a deeply unnecessary 430kW of power and 850Nm of torque (up from the last G 63's 420kW/720Nm) and is attached to a new nine-speed automatic transmission and a permanent AWD system that, exclusively in the G 63, gets a number of electronic off road modes to go along with the three (yes, really) locking differentials that ensure the G-class can go almost literally anywhere, and with laughable ease too.

Despite being bigger, the new G-class is, on average across the range, 170kg lighter than the old one, lending that extra power more significance and meaning that the G 63 will belt from a standstill to 100kmh in just 4.5 seconds.

And, to be completely honest, it feels faster.

This may be because you are cocooned inside a super-luxurious interior, or because you are sitting like you are perched on top of a small office block, or even just because it makes a noise like the earth's crust is collapsing in on itself - or most likely all of those things - but for a big bulky block of metal, it is ferociously fast.

And, against all logic (and arguably the laws of physics), the thing actually handles well too. Okay, it still feels like a big SUV, but it handles better than anything this big, this square and this much like a building has a right to, and it is more than capable of being hustled along a winding road with enthusiasm, but without scaring yourself. Well, too badly, at least.

Of course, none of this brutal speed makes any sense whatsoever, but the whole lack of a point actually is the point of the G 63.

Wonderfully, gloriously pointless, loud and needlessly fast the G 63 is shining, bellowing beacon of 'just because, so shut up!' in the sea of hand-wringing angst and polite respectability of EVs and self-driving cars.