The entrenched transphobia facing transgender Kiwis
Friday, 6 April 2018
Transgender people face a kind of discrimination many of us are oblivious to. They don't fit society's strict male-or-female gender narrative. Transphobia (dislike or prejudice against transgender people) is ingrained in New Zealand society. Megan Gattey speaks to transgender people about their experiences of discrimination.
* Names have been changed to protect identities.
**Michelle, from Christchurch
Pronouns: She/her**
My experience of transphobia as a transwoman occurred at a Farmers store in Christchurch.
I was trying on a skirt when the shop assistant opened the cubicle. She didn't apologise when she left.
**READ MORE:
* We need to unlearn homophobia, biphobia and transphobia
* Still room to move in the fight against transphobia**
When I chose another item and attempted to return to the changing room, she refused my entry.
When I called for management, the guy who came also refused to let me use the women's changing room.
During a tense conversation among the clothing racks he explained that he had to look after the safety of the female shoppers.
I explained that I was female, and he replied that I obviously hadn't been female for long.
He insisted that I used the men's changing room to try on a skirt.
When I complained to Farmers' head office, they confirmed that the store was way out of line – I have never returned to find out if they improved their changing room policy.
**Amanda, from Auckland
Pronouns: She/**her
When it comes to transphobia in New Zealand, I have a few perspectives. First, from personal experience, as a transgender woman who began her transition in 2008 while working at a finance company, my transition was mostly discrimination-free.
Though I did run into discrimination from a middle manager who objected to me using either the ladies' or, for that matter, the men's rest room. I was confined to a disabled toilet, which was regularly locked.
One day, I complained about the situation, after finding one toilet locked and a manager refusing to let me use the other one until it was completely vacant. I complained to HR, and senior management sided with me.
That middle manager, upset more about being overruled (I think), did her best to make my life hell for the following months until I found another job.
As a researcher in transgender issues in New Zealand, I do have a wider viewpoint, having done my management dissertation around the management of transgender employees in the workplace.
Using American studies as a baseline I researched the good, the bad, and the ugly of the transgender workplace experience. I found a much better scene here than in the United States, with a third of respondents treated well and engaged in their roles, but I also found some shocking statistics.
A third of respondents felt they had been denied opportunities and promotions at work due to their gender identity, with one respondent mentioning she had been demoted due to transition.
Twenty per cent of respondents reported workplace harassment and mistreatment. A quarter reported problems around the use of work restrooms.
Thirteen per cent of respondents stated they had lost a job due to transitioning, with a further six per cent stating they have had to leave a job due to pressures placed upon them by a workplace since transitioning - essentially constructive dismissal.
The results showed those discriminated against trended from being actively to somewhat engaged in their jobs to hating their workplaces.
While I was glad to see a higher proportion of respondents actively engaged in their jobs than you find in the general population, I also found it disturbing that such a high number have been harassed, mistreated, discriminated against, and in almost 20 per cent of cases, either fired or made to leave.
I think few would disagree that, at the very least, everyone should feel safe and secure at work.
Patrick from **Greymouth
Pronouns: He/him**
September last year, I changed my name on Facebook because I was transitioning from female to male. I didn't tell anyone why, although a few people guessed and sent supportive messages.
I decided to tell the father of my son that I am trans, and I was nervous about how he would take the news.
He did not take it well.
He refused to accept it, and although he was rude to me about it I thought that would be the end of it and I could move on.
The next day I found out he had made it public on Facebook, and his family and friends joined him in making fun of transgender people. I then came out publicly because of it and received a lot of support from my own family and friends.
Two days before Christmas I opened my front door to find my son's father in a dress and a wig, laughing at me for being trans. I later found out he was encouraged to do it by his family, and that he was wearing his mother's dress.
It made me sad that people who would normally be kind decided to encourage bullying, just because I am transgender. I went to the police and he was trespassed from my address.
Since then, I still receive constant harassment from him. Every weekend I get messages. Sometimes it's transphobic jokes, sometimes it's messages calling me derogatory things, and other times it's angry and abusive rambling.
I am hopeful that one day it will stop so I can carry on with my life.
There are no support groups on the West Coast for LGBT people, and although the majority of people who know me are supportive, I think there should be some sort of support for other people who may be struggling.
I find it difficult to deal with transphobia and the stress of the constant harassment, but I try not to focus on it too much. Instead I try to focus on enjoying being a parent and spending time with my wonderful son and also enjoying being a student.
**Joanna, from Auckland
Pronouns: She/her**
Because I grew up in a Pentecostal Christian home, I am forced to live a double life. I must wear male-type clothes at home and at family events even to the point of having to cut my nails at a recent wedding.
I have been told that men shouldn't have long hair, so it would be best to have it cut. My family will always refer to me as 'he' and they will always use my dead male name.
When I came out in 2003, they tried to have me locked up at the Kensington Inpatient Unit in Timaru.
Unfortunately the psychiatrist didn't find anything wrong with me and this annoyed my family a lot.
They had a meeting in which the North Island family flew down and drew out a list of rules for me to live by. I was no longer able to enter my brother's house.
Many pastors and elders of the church have tried to cure me over the years. I've been thrown to the carpet many a time with many demon spirits cast out. I feel as though I have failed Christianity.
It never worked and I continued the relationship I had with my partner at the time (both of us had been forced to do the therapy together).
At Rise Up Together New Zealand, in 1990, they resorted to stripping off my clothes but that cure didn't work either.
In 2018, I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man that I met on Facebook (of all places) who has proposed to me. I will be moving away from my family, who have made it very clear that they will 'never attend that kind of wedding'.
So recently, I have found happiness in my life. I have been on hormone replacement therapy for over six months now. I also attend church, and am very involved in it. I have never felt happier in my life.
**Amelia, from Wellington
Pronouns: She/her**
New Zealand could do better. Of the things I've been called in professional workplaces, 'the f…..t in a dress' and 'the it' are probably my least favourite.
Of the things that have been put in writing about me in a professional workplace, the statement, 'when I look at 'him' I want to puke' was one of my least favourites. It was messaged around my team shortly after I started a new job, outing me as trans.
On the street I've been called fairly predictable things, usually the t-slur. That's 'tranny' for those who aren't aware it is a derogatory term.But those are rather tame compared the abuse I've suffered at the hands of my own blood. Being utterly disowned during a fateful phone conversation in 2008 was hard to swallow.
It's a curious thing, being ditched by your loved ones for simply coming out as transgender. The unfairness is a caustic burn, never fully healing, the bubbling pain always eating away at you.
When you're inevitably implicated in your father's suicide, both indirectly as well as in the coroner and police reports, the burn intensifies – heightening the pain you already feel for being brutally dismissed from your immediate family.
The scars on my hand remind me of when a 'Christian' man pushed me down the stairs of a bar because he didn't like people like me, putting me in hospital.
My husband's nose will never be straight again after it was broken by three thugs who took a disliking to me holding my lover's hand on the street.
When I speak out online, people – usually women who call themselves 'gender critical' – rush to harass me for how I look, attack me for using women's facilities and even try to bully me into ending my life. Some people even call the police, claiming to fear for their safety.
They rely on the ugly, evil trope that trans women are just 'violent, pervy men in dresses' to give credence to their preposterous claims.
There is still so much transphobia around that I don't want my name on this. Even though things are very slowly getting better, I have no impetus to be 'out'. And in a country that explicitly protects religion, ethnicity and sexual orientation from discrimination, but not gender identity, I don't think I'm ever going to feel completely safe.
- As told to Megan Gattey.
**Do you or somebody you know need help with transphobia? Visit the following resources for more support:
* Mental Health Foundation - Suicide Prevention
* Inside Out**