Seek for purpose, not happiness, if you want a Good Life

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

We're one of the 10 happiest countries on Earth, so what makes us a smile?

Farmer Doug Avery's trip 'to hell and back' taught him that it's better to search for purpose in life than to search for happiness.

'We have progressively developed a society in which we think we should be happy all the time,' says Avery, whose The Resilient Farmer biography tells of his descent into despair during the Marlborough droughts of the 1990s, and his journey back to hope.

'Actually happiness is the reward you get occasionally, if you do a great job in the rest of your life.'

'Human's greatest, deepest desire is to feel ... purpose,' says Doug Avery.

'Human beings should be more interested in developing a purpose in life,' he says. 'Human's greatest, deepest desire is to feel that purpose.'

* The highest rate of teen suicide in the developed world

* Hundreds of thousands of Kiwi children living below poverty line**

Stuff has begun a two-week Good Life Guide, focusing on happiness and wellbeing, a subject the government's Wellbeing Budget in May put front and centre in public consciousness.

The Good Life Guide will look at happiness at home and at work, in your money life and in your personal life.

'There are people selling the message that it is possible to be happy 365 days a year,' says Mike King.

On some fronts New Zealand is doing well. It ranks in the top 10 in the annual World Happiness Report based on its economy, political and cultural freedom, lack of corruption, and long healthy life expectancy.

But it's also a country with some huge black marks against its human wellbeing record, with high levels of youth suicide, a huge prison population, epidemic of bullying, and children growing up in challenging circumstances indicating a society in which too many people are struggling to live lives in which they are valued.

Avery, who believes Kiwis undermine their own wellbeing through being unschooled in showing vulnerability, is not alone in his rejection of the expectation of unbroken happiness.

'I am getting increasingly frustrated at the monetisation of the well-being industry,' said comedian Mike King, who is on a journey with his I Am Hope charity to reduce suicide.

'There are people selling the message that it is possible to be happy 365 days a year, and if you aren't happy we can sell you some sh*t that will make you happy.'

'It is impossible to be happy every day. We all lose loved ones to death. We all have relationship problems and struggle to sometimes pay the bills, but if you're in a hole and you're being told everyone else is happy that can have a devastating effect on anyone's wellbeing.'

Blanche Morrogh is the chief executive of Northland's Kia Ora Honey.

'Instead of spending money to avoid bad days… it would be more productive, and cheaper, learning to accept that life throws us curve balls, but bad times pass and the sun will shine again.'

Self-sufficiency ranks highly in people's sense of wellbeing. Sometimes that's the self-sufficiency of the individual, sometimes whanau, and sometimes Iwi.

Being safe, valued, and given the chance to succeed are all 'positives' children told Children's Commissioner Andrew Becroft made for a good life.

Blanche Morrogh, who was named University of Auckland's Young Maori Business Leader in 2017, founded Kia Ora Honey in Northland as a whanau-owned business in 2000.

To be valued and listened by the significant adults in their lives is one of the key ingredients for a good life for a child.

Its purpose is to give life to the vision of her late grandmother Saana Waitai Murray, and father Rapine Murray, to operate a successful, sustainable business in Te Taitokerau that could sustain their descendents, and in time, the descendents of their descendents.

Many businesses have 'About Us' sections telling their history. The Kia Ora Honey website has an 'Our Ancestors' section.

Not only has Kia Ora helped generate income from ancestral lands, and the Manuka trees that are a taonga to her whanau, but it's been a source of pride and has enabled people to create and build.

'I know how hard it is to build up self-love, and self-esteem when you have been down there,' Morrogh says.

Children's Commissioner Andrew Becroft led a research project surveying and interviewing thousands of children to find out what makes a good life for children.

'Generally, whereas adults said wellbeing consisted of the absence of negatives, children saw it much more as the presence of positives,' Becroft says.

Having good , supportive relationships with family and friends, being safe from bullying and violence, and being respected and valued were three of the top four more common ingredients of a good life for children, along with their families having enough money to meet basic needs.

Too many children are not getting these things, Becroft says.

About 70 per cent of children do well, she says, 20 per cent face significant challenges intermittently, and 10 per cent face persistent issues like neglect, poverty, and bullying.

* This article is part of the Good Life Guide, an editorial project sponsored by Skoda. We have produced it independently, to the same standards applied to the rest of our journalism. Read more about our partnership content here